I am in the messy middle.
I haven’t done a blog post for a really long time. In over a year, actually.
But, I am in the midst of nursing a broken heart and the one thing that Spirit keep asking me to do to help with this is - write.
So here I am, writing.
A month ago my 6 year relationship ended. I have been absolutely devastated by the heartbreak and loss that I feel over this break-up.
The whole past month has been a blur and sometimes I wonder if this is really my life and whether it is actually me trying to navigate this change, or whether something else has taken over my body and is now running the show.
This major life change, was not something that my ex-partner and I had necessarily planned. But, it was just something that happened and was decided after we were noticing certain patterns in our relationship that we didn’t want to keep repeating - so we chose to make a change and try a new pathway - even though we knew it was not going to be easy by any means because of the love we still have for each other. But either way, we made a decision together to try and step back into life without each other.
This has been the third and, by a mile, the hardest break-up I have had to navigate. However, I have done hard things before and this is another life learning experience that I am hoping will make me wiser and stronger, once I am out the other side of this gut-wrenching journey.
I’m not going to share any of the personal details out of respect and care of my ex-partner, and also because I don’t feel like the time is now to share. Maybe one day there will come a time where I will feel open to share my story (a little less vaguely) with my community - but right now, I simply don’t want to.
The one thing I did want to talk about though, is that this year is a 9 year. In numerology 9 is all about endings (2+0+2+5 = 9). Think the energy of the Death card in tarot. Rebirth. Transformation. That means that endings that are taking place this year are divinely guided. Whether that be in order to fully disconnect and end a situation in your life, or whether it be to disconnect to an identity or the way you were showing up in a situation, to then go through the energetic release and learning, to reconnect in a more stronger and empowered way - regardless, things are being burnt to the ground to be build back up even stronger for many of us.
Relationships have been a big focus this year. I have heard many stories of break-ups and breakdowns that are happening in so many different people’s lives. A lot of long-term couples are separating because so many people have changed and grown dramatically over the past 10 years and that has created large rifts between the two parties in the relationship. I always say… “in relationships, you either grow together or you grow apart.” And a lot of this will come down to the individual souls within the relationship, and whether by free-will they want to adapt to the evolution of the relationship or not.
Spirit had shown me that this year was never going to be easy, and I have learnt that I, myself, am not immune to any havoc that wants to unfold in the world around me. Even though, I have a heavy toolbox of skills, a strong connection to my Spirit Team and beliefs that help me to navigate change - I am still a soul, having a human experience, who needs to navigate ‘human’ situations like any other human as part of my karmic learning and soul’s growth.
So, now I am in the messy middle.
My old timeline is in a Tower moment of destruction. I have lost my relationship, I have lost the home I created, I have lost my comfort zone, I have lost a huge part of my identity and I have been truly humbled by the Universe’s ability to clear out what wants to leave my life, in order for me to move into a new cycle of learning and life experiences.
The ‘messy middle’ I’m referring to, is the time in your life that is smack bang in-between the old timeline crumbling and the next timeline taking shape. Right now, I have no indication or clarity on where the Universe is taking me next.
The worst thing about the in-between is the uncertainty & fear. The best thing about the in-between is the growth & healing.
Even though so many things in my life feel uncertain, scary and heavy. I also know I have a unique opportunity here to rewrite my story.
I can go anywhere, apply for any job, move to any place, and I have the choice in what I want to call in within the next phase in my life.
If you’re an indecisive person (like me… sometimes), these messy middle periods can be challenging in that “you don’t know where to go or what to do.” There is almost too many options - especially when you are navigating this ‘on your own’ and your choices don’t impact on other people in your life (ie. partners or children).
Spirit is saying that: “doing anything is better than doing nothing.”
Meaning, any change that you make now, is going to be a good one. You’re being called to let go and are being called to do something different - so don’t choose the same as a way to try and hold on tighter to the old timeline.
Change is inevitable.
I was quite literally “kicked” out of my timeline a month ago. Onto, whatever the hell is happening in my life right now.
I am not where I want to be, but I know that with proactive choice, patience and faith, something good may just come from all of this turmoil.
If you are in an in-between or a messy middle. Know you are definitely not the only one moving through this. Spirit is saying, that this is the GREATEST period of change that has happened for the collective in a very long time. So much is dissolving and being deconstructed, so that everyone can move forward into the highest version of themselves possible (I have chills for confirmation).
This messy middle has greatly impacted on my business and my ability to bring healing to my community. But I am also taking this as a unique opportunity to decide what I would like my soul work to look like. So, I am also letting go of aspects in my business, to make more space and room for new creative energy to flow through my business the same way new energy is wanting to flow through all other areas of my life.
I am urging you to try to surrender to life right now. Give yourself permission to let go. Sometimes new beginnings cannot occur, until you've healed what needs to be healed after a period of pain and destruction. Strap in for the ride. Don’t shame yourself for feeling however it is you feel during the messy middle. Give love to yourself. Allow your favourite people to hold you. You’ve got this.